This was written by my friend Gideon Addington, who took his life last Friday:
I am broken among the broken...
Lord, deliver me from my despair. Give me strength that I might continue to fight. I am tired, I am lonely, and I feel I am alone among the mad. I know I am not alone but my heart breaks. Help me, save me.. I try so hard, yet I know I should try harder and that there is much I could do but do not... Have mercy on me, help me be a better instrument, a better servant and a better healer for those that come before me. Save me from pride, from arrogance, and help me remember that I am broken among the broken. Give me wisdom to discern what I can and cannot do, and what I must walk to and away from. Lord, save me. Amen. -Gideon Addington, Nov. 7, 2009
For those who are despairing, I pray you would feel the presence of God near you. I pray that you would find friends that helped you to find hope. May you know that all of us are broken. Only God and God working through us can bind up the pieces.
Gideon was a dear and special Twitter friend. I so did not want this to be how he died and hope that he is finally at peace.
Posted by: Meredith Gould | 12/16/2009 at 12:15 PM
my god. we were getting closer by the day. lord have mercy.
Posted by: Dtatusko | 12/16/2009 at 12:20 PM
This is so sad. So sad.
Posted by: Sarah | 12/16/2009 at 12:24 PM
I was just getting to know Gideon, via Twitter. So sad to hear this news. May he now find peace. He will be missed.
Posted by: Lutheranish | 12/16/2009 at 12:25 PM
I knew him only as an early Twitter follower. Liked his tweets and blog very much. His last few tweets seemed sad and angry. Suicide is devastating (my brother and sister took their own lives recently). May you be at peace with God and self now, @gideony. To his friends and family - Love and prayers to you. *tears* *prayers*
Posted by: TraLeeFitz | 12/16/2009 at 12:30 PM
I have no words. I pray for his family, and that God grants him peace at last.
Posted by: Tragic_pizza | 12/16/2009 at 12:58 PM
Gideon was a kind, gentle soul, well liked by all that were so fortunate to know him.
His funeral today was packed by so many to come to see him on his way. It is not often that you see two prayers of such depth written by the person whose funeral you are celebrating, but his skill as a wordsmith and his spiritual depth were clearly eveident.
I am glad to have known him.
Posted by: Br. James Patrick | 12/16/2009 at 01:14 PM
I looked forward to reading Gideon's tweets because I saw someone who was thoughtfully wrestling with his faith. It's hard to know the depth of that wrestling from 140 characters. Sadness. Hope and prayers for peace.
Posted by: Joe BW Smith | 12/16/2009 at 01:26 PM
Friends on twitter are wondering if there is an contact info for his parents where we can send card?
Posted by: melissaderosia | 12/16/2009 at 02:11 PM
Broken among the broken indeed. Yet Gideon *got* so much about why the world was broken. Somehow he could see. So many of his tweets were packed with wisdom, clarity and honesty, like this one from Dec. 10:
"You know the disciples? You know how the PERPETUALLY misunderstood Jesus? That's us. That's why it's love and forgiveness. Stick to those."
In honor of Gideon, let's strive even more for love and forgiveness.
Posted by: Kristin T. (@kt_writes) | 12/16/2009 at 02:40 PM
Very sad. I could tell from our last twitter interactions that he was troubled, but didn't know it was this desperate. I am sorry to see someone so gifted go away from our world so soon.
Posted by: Pastorofdisaster.wordpress.com | 12/16/2009 at 02:47 PM
I only knew him online, too. I don't get it. It doesn't make sense. If anything, he seemed so full of life and of fight. Not the kind of guy who gives up.
LORD, have mercy... grant him peace and rest and deep, deep joy in Your presence. I pray for his family and his community who knew him in the flesh. Please comfort them and give them peace. This is a tragedy and has blindsided a lot of people... we need You most especially at times like this.
Posted by: www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=15608697 | 12/16/2009 at 02:49 PM
I only knew Gideon via Twitter and found him to be refreshingly honest and real. I'm truly saddened to hear of his untimely death -he will be missed. I too pray for him, his family and friends as they work through this reality. In peace......we pray.
Posted by: Brenda Finkle | 12/16/2009 at 03:01 PM
As others have said, though many of us never met him in person, his impact was profound on many. There is much talk about services to grieve his passing and celebrate his life, but please let us know if there are other things planned or if there are things we should be sensitive to with the family. Blessings and prayers lifted for his community there. Peace
Posted by: Bruce Reyes-Chow | 12/16/2009 at 04:24 PM
I heard about Gideon's suicide just moments ago. My heart is breaking. I don't understand why this has happened, but am feeling enormous gratitude for my Twitter family right now. Rest in peace, dear Gideon. You were dearly loved.
Posted by: Raimalarter | 12/16/2009 at 04:55 PM
My prayers for Gideon's family. I am so sorry.
Posted by: Barnzi2009 | 12/16/2009 at 05:24 PM
Praying for healing and wholeness that come only from God. Praying for peace for Gideon, that his heart is put back together in the presence of the Almighty. Praying for his family, friends, and those he touched.
Posted by: Rustyblackstock | 12/16/2009 at 06:13 PM
Dear Baya Clare, I am so sorry to hear this gentle soul is gone. I did not know him but you only have to read his message to know that he was a light in this very dark well. I pray that his family, friends and all who he touch will be comforted in their hour of grief.
Posted by: Pamela Lyn | 12/16/2009 at 06:23 PM
God of hope,
we come to you in shock and grief and confusion of heart.
Help us to find peace
in the knowledge of your loving mercy
to all your children,
and give us light to guide us out of our darkness
into the assurance of your love.
Amen.
Posted by: Liturgy | 12/16/2009 at 06:23 PM
I only knew Gideon through Twitter, Facebook, and the like, but I remain honored to call him a friend. I don't know what you were going through that caused you so much pain. I carry the hope that you are at peace with God Almighty and all the saints: 'All of us go down to the dust, yet even at the grave we make our song, "Alleluia, alleluia, alleluia."'
Posted by: Expatminister | 12/16/2009 at 06:55 PM
"O God of grace and glory, we remember before you this day our brother Gideon(@gideony). We thank you for giving him to us, his family and friends, to know and to love as a companion on our earthly pilgrimage. In your boundless compassion, console us who mourn. Give us faith to see in death the gate of eternal life, so that in quiet confidence we may continue our course on earth, until, by your call, we are reunited with those who have gone before; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen."
http://bit.ly/7vcA22
Posted by: Cash | 12/16/2009 at 07:08 PM
Im in shock! My heart is broken to think he had hit such a low point and felt that hopeless....
Jesus show your Mercy to us all, help us to understand this tragedy and give us your peace..
I cant believe this..
Posted by: Di65 | 12/16/2009 at 07:47 PM
Thank you all so much for your nice comments about my friend Gideon. Many of you have asked why and I do not think we will every truly know the answer to this.
Gideon suffered from depression for a good part of his life. He was a kind gentle soul who spent most of his life trying to make others happy in hopes that he would be happy. Always searching for something I am not sure he ever found.
He was a very talented writer, he was witty, he was funny, he had a brilliant mind and was just a joy. It was hard not to love him.
I have known Gideon for about 5 years now and I am still in shock. My daughter and I drove to Tulsa for his funeral yesterday. It was a very nice service. The pastor said a lot of really nice things about Gideon. They had this prayer in the bulletin they handed out at the funeral.
My message to Gideon:
Gideon, I love you and will miss you deeply always. My heart breaks for you that you were never able to find that inner peace you so desperately searched for while on this earth. My life is better for knowing you. I wish you could see the outpouring of people who have left messages for you on Facebook and Twitter. You touched so many peoples lives with your pages and blogs.
Love You!
Lora "hulliesgirl" Ridl
Posted by: Hulliesgirl | 12/17/2009 at 01:56 AM
Gideon's writings were always honest, straight forward and willing to probe tough questions. I will miss his voice greatly
Posted by: Don Heatley | 12/17/2009 at 06:42 AM
Our Heavenly Father,
Yes, we are all broken.
Grieving, wounded
You are with Gideon
You are with all of us
Fill us with your hope & peace
Amen.
Posted by: Chariscoleman | 12/17/2009 at 10:55 AM